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World's Worst art instructor

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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
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Post: 1   Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 6:52 pm   World's Worst art instructor Reply with quote

"Holding the brush with your teeth allows you to paint more realistically."
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cwjakesteel
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Post: 2   Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 7:11 pm   Reply with quote

"You call that art?! Aha, ahaha, ahahahahahahaha.....oh..."
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Dinkleberg....

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ChipEstenismyhusband
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Post: 3   Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 7:14 pm   Reply with quote

"Finger painting, or as I like to call it... Finger licking good!"
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Chip: He's the farmer's daughter's father.
Drew: In other words, the farmer.
Chip: Do I even get one point?
Drew: No.

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Magnus D
Sit Down Comedian
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Post: 4   Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 7:17 pm   Reply with quote

"Do you like it, I call it squiggly lines"
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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
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Gender: Gender:Female
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Location: Montreal!
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Post: 5   Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 7:26 pm   Reply with quote

"What do I think of the Impressionists? I think they all sucked!"
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"500 points a peach." - Drew Carey

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cwjakesteel
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Gender: Gender:Male
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Post: 6   Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 8:45 pm   Reply with quote

"Leonardo? Who?"
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Dinkleberg....

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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
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Gender: Gender:Female
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Location: Montreal!
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Post: 7   Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 8:47 pm   Reply with quote

"Painting with traditional paints is for losers. We're gonna learn how to paint with our bodily fluids."
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"500 points a peach." - Drew Carey

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bicyclelegs
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Post: 8   Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 9:11 pm   Reply with quote

"You need to use nice, firm strokes of the buttocks..."
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Fry: Isn't there anything else you can tell me?
Vogel: Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time.
Fry: That's impossible because my time is worthless!

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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
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Gender: Gender:Female
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Location: Montreal!
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Post: 9   Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 9:30 pm   Reply with quote

"Working from a reference is cheating. Always."
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"500 points a peach." - Drew Carey

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bicyclelegs
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Post: 10   Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 10:46 pm   Reply with quote

"Instead of painting a nude, how about we all try painting while nude? Everybody, clothes OFF!"
_________________
Fry: Isn't there anything else you can tell me?
Vogel: Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time.
Fry: That's impossible because my time is worthless!

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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
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Gender: Gender:Female
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Location: Montreal!
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Post: 11   Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 9:34 am   Reply with quote

"I said we were going to be painting still life paintings of food today, but we can't anymore, because I ate all the food." *burp*
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"500 points a peach." - Drew Carey

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joyefulsong
A Few Chuckles
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Post: 12   Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 5:44 pm   Reply with quote

Once you paint ME nude, you'll never be satisfied with anything less. (throws off jacket)
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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
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Gender: Gender:Female
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Location: Montreal!
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Post: 13   Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 6:18 pm   Reply with quote

"Okay, for the first 3 months of this course, we'll learn how to draw a straight line and some basic shapes. From there, we'll move on to stick figures."
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"500 points a peach." - Drew Carey

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cwjakesteel
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Location: Jamaica
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Post: 14   Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 10:06 pm   Reply with quote

*takes off shirt* "I'm waiting."
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Dinkleberg....

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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
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Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 05 May 2017
Posts: 11057 Topics: 49
Location: Montreal!
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Post: 15   Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 10:07 pm   Reply with quote

"You can use your body as a canvas."
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"500 points a peach." - Drew Carey

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bicyclelegs
Moderator
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Gender: Gender:Male Age: 45
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 17 Jun 2014
Posts: 10313 Topics: 11
Location: Rochedale South, QLD, Australia
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Reputation: 2444.7
votes: 9

Post: 16   Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 10:38 pm   Reply with quote

"The best student painting will be tattooed onto my left buttock!"
_________________
Fry: Isn't there anything else you can tell me?
Vogel: Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time.
Fry: That's impossible because my time is worthless!

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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
Moderator
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Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 05 May 2017
Posts: 11057 Topics: 49
Location: Montreal!
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Reputation: 3345.5
votes: 9

Post: 17   Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 9:53 pm   Reply with quote

"Today we'll be spitting paint onto the canvas."
_________________
"500 points a peach." - Drew Carey

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bicyclelegs
Moderator
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Gender: Gender:Male Age: 45
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 17 Jun 2014
Posts: 10313 Topics: 11
Location: Rochedale South, QLD, Australia
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Reputation: 2444.7
votes: 9

Post: 18   Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 10:45 pm   Reply with quote

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to 'Sculpting with Excrement'."
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Fry: Isn't there anything else you can tell me?
Vogel: Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time.
Fry: That's impossible because my time is worthless!

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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
Moderator
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Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 05 May 2017
Posts: 11057 Topics: 49
Location: Montreal!
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Reputation: 3345.5
votes: 9

Post: 19   Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 1:20 pm   Reply with quote

"We're only using crayons in this class."
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"500 points a peach." - Drew Carey

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bicyclelegs
Moderator
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Gender: Gender:Male Age: 45
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 17 Jun 2014
Posts: 10313 Topics: 11
Location: Rochedale South, QLD, Australia
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Reputation: 2444.7
votes: 9

Post: 20   Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 2:35 pm   Reply with quote

"Van Gogh couldn't paint. Rembrandt was a hack. My 3 year old, on the other hand..."
_________________
Fry: Isn't there anything else you can tell me?
Vogel: Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time.
Fry: That's impossible because my time is worthless!

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cwjakesteel
Improv Master
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Gender: Gender:Male
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Location: Jamaica
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votes: 18

Post: 21   Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 9:58 pm   Reply with quote

"I'm the most natural painter you'll ever meet. I've been painting since I was in the womb."
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Dinkleberg....

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bicyclelegs
Moderator
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Gender: Gender:Male Age: 45
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 17 Jun 2014
Posts: 10313 Topics: 11
Location: Rochedale South, QLD, Australia
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Reputation: 2444.7
votes: 9

Post: 22   Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 10:21 pm   Reply with quote

"Don't just paint the fruit, be the fruit!"
_________________
Fry: Isn't there anything else you can tell me?
Vogel: Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time.
Fry: That's impossible because my time is worthless!

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ChipEstenismyhusband
Improv Emperor
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Post: 23   Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 4:58 pm   Reply with quote

"Today all the girls will be reenacting the painting scene from The Notebook. So strip down and I'll go get a bed cover. That should help us build up to tomorrow's activity. Reenacting the painting scene from Titanic."
_________________
Chip: He's the farmer's daughter's father.
Drew: In other words, the farmer.
Chip: Do I even get one point?
Drew: No.

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cwjakesteel
Improv Master
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Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 29 Jan 2017
Posts: 4695 Topics: 18
Location: Jamaica
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Reputation: 1542.1
votes: 18

Post: 24   Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 9:48 pm   Reply with quote

"Any of you actually know how to paint? Come on guys..."
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Dinkleberg....

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QZ4
A Few Chuckles
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Post: 25   Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:35 am   Reply with quote

Part of being a painter is having a vivid imagination. So before we take today's lesson, everybody come up and grab some of these hallucinogens.
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