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World's Worst Facebook Statuses

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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
Moderator
Moderator



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 06 Jun 2017
Posts: 11057 Topics: 49
Location: Montreal!
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Reputation: 3345.5
votes: 9

Post: 326   Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2015 6:57 pm   Reply with quote

I'm having a party tonight. For those of you who are coming, please leave a comment on this status stating what drugs you'll bring.
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"500 points a peach." - Drew Carey

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cwjakesteel
Improv Master
Improv Master



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 29 Jan 2017
Posts: 4695 Topics: 18
Location: Jamaica
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Reputation: 1542.1
votes: 18

Post: 327   Posted: Fri Mar 13, 2015 11:15 pm   Reply with quote

*Reply* I just got a huge shipment of crack cocaine the other day. Don't worry the money's all in real estate. Now let's get STOOONED!!!
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Dinkleberg....

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DriftyAlison0
Nobody Laughs
Nobody Laughs



Gender: Gender:Female Age: 30
Joined: 27 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 01 Nov 2017
Posts: 237 Topics: 8
Location: Cedar Rapids Iowa
Reputation: 948.9
votes: 1

Post: 328   Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2015 10:30 pm   Reply with quote

"Reply* I got weed that my mom thinks is spices for brownies.
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If at first you don't succeed then skydiving is not for you

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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
Moderator
Moderator



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 06 Jun 2017
Posts: 11057 Topics: 49
Location: Montreal!
ca.gif

Reputation: 3345.5
votes: 9

Post: 329   Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2015 7:37 am   Reply with quote

Need advice. When disposing of the corpses of people you have killed, is it better to throw them in the river or bury them in the yard?
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"500 points a peach." - Drew Carey

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cwjakesteel
Improv Master
Improv Master



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 29 Jan 2017
Posts: 4695 Topics: 18
Location: Jamaica
jm.gif

Reputation: 1542.1
votes: 18

Post: 330   Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2015 3:17 pm   Reply with quote

*reply* Rookie mistake. Don't kill 'em. Eat 'em. No one will suspect your poop.
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Dinkleberg....

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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
Moderator
Moderator



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 06 Jun 2017
Posts: 11057 Topics: 49
Location: Montreal!
ca.gif

Reputation: 3345.5
votes: 9

Post: 331   Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2015 8:56 pm   Reply with quote

I'm bad at math, so help me out here. By how much does my risk of getting a disease increase with each new person I have sex with on the same day?
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"500 points a peach." - Drew Carey

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strnznsfrst
A Few Chuckles
A Few Chuckles



Gender: Gender:Male Age: 29
Joined: 19 Dec 2014
Last Visit: 16 Jan 2016
Posts: 466 Topics: 0

Reputation: 243.8
votes: 2

Post: 332   Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2015 5:46 am   Reply with quote

Left my leg on the subway again, today.
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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
Moderator
Moderator



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 06 Jun 2017
Posts: 11057 Topics: 49
Location: Montreal!
ca.gif

Reputation: 3345.5
votes: 9

Post: 333   Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2015 2:04 pm   Reply with quote

You'll never believe what I found on the subway today! A leg! What the hell?!
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strnznsfrst
A Few Chuckles
A Few Chuckles



Gender: Gender:Male Age: 29
Joined: 19 Dec 2014
Last Visit: 16 Jan 2016
Posts: 466 Topics: 0

Reputation: 243.8
votes: 2

Post: 334   Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2015 10:00 am   Reply with quote

hired a dwarf as my leg-prosthesis stand-in.. we're gonna be buds.
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DriftyAlison0
Nobody Laughs
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Gender: Gender:Female Age: 30
Joined: 27 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 01 Nov 2017
Posts: 237 Topics: 8
Location: Cedar Rapids Iowa
Reputation: 948.9
votes: 1

Post: 335   Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2015 10:26 pm   Reply with quote

I found puke on my bed again. And worse yet, I woke up laying in it. Guess I had too many shots of Soco last night. I did take a picture of if though. *insert pic of her laying in her own puke*
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If at first you don't succeed then skydiving is not for you

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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
Moderator
Moderator



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 06 Jun 2017
Posts: 11057 Topics: 49
Location: Montreal!
ca.gif

Reputation: 3345.5
votes: 9

Post: 336   Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2015 6:13 pm   Reply with quote

*reply* Next time, aim for the floor.
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strnznsfrst
A Few Chuckles
A Few Chuckles



Gender: Gender:Male Age: 29
Joined: 19 Dec 2014
Last Visit: 16 Jan 2016
Posts: 466 Topics: 0

Reputation: 243.8
votes: 2

Post: 337   Posted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 8:29 am   Reply with quote

Hey guys, look! I photoshoped a swastika on my cat's forehead.
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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
Moderator
Moderator



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 06 Jun 2017
Posts: 11057 Topics: 49
Location: Montreal!
ca.gif

Reputation: 3345.5
votes: 9

Post: 338   Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2015 10:45 am   Reply with quote

If this status gets 20 likes, I will eat dryer lint. If it gets 30 likes, I'll eat dryer lint and drink floor cleaner.
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"500 points a peach." - Drew Carey

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DriftyAlison0
Nobody Laughs
Nobody Laughs



Gender: Gender:Female Age: 30
Joined: 27 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 01 Nov 2017
Posts: 237 Topics: 8
Location: Cedar Rapids Iowa
Reputation: 948.9
votes: 1

Post: 339   Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2015 11:46 pm   Reply with quote

*hits like*
I know how about for 40 likes you shave your chest hair and eat it.

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If at first you don't succeed then skydiving is not for you

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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
Moderator
Moderator



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 06 Jun 2017
Posts: 11057 Topics: 49
Location: Montreal!
ca.gif

Reputation: 3345.5
votes: 9

Post: 340   Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2015 6:30 pm   Reply with quote

Did you know it's not a good idea to play the harmonica with your nose if you have a cold? Never mind how I know.
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"500 points a peach." - Drew Carey

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cwjakesteel
Improv Master
Improv Master



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 29 Jan 2017
Posts: 4695 Topics: 18
Location: Jamaica
jm.gif

Reputation: 1542.1
votes: 18

Post: 341   Posted: Sun Feb 07, 2016 1:56 am   Reply with quote

Doesn't anyone else just want to get pregnant all the time and get an abortion at the last minute so you never have to deal with periods again?
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Dinkleberg....

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DriftyAlison0
Nobody Laughs
Nobody Laughs



Gender: Gender:Female Age: 30
Joined: 27 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 01 Nov 2017
Posts: 237 Topics: 8
Location: Cedar Rapids Iowa
Reputation: 948.9
votes: 1

Post: 342   Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 8:00 pm   Reply with quote

*Reply* I would do that but then what would happen to my welfare checks? I get pregnant as soon as I can and it works for me. 24 kids and counting.
_________________
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving is not for you

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cwjakesteel
Improv Master
Improv Master



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 29 Jan 2017
Posts: 4695 Topics: 18
Location: Jamaica
jm.gif

Reputation: 1542.1
votes: 18

Post: 343   Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2016 4:22 pm   Reply with quote

Found a corpse in my backyard today. Totally ruined my good vibes from almost successfully juggling grenades.
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Dinkleberg....

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DriftyAlison0
Nobody Laughs
Nobody Laughs



Gender: Gender:Female Age: 30
Joined: 27 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 01 Nov 2017
Posts: 237 Topics: 8
Location: Cedar Rapids Iowa
Reputation: 948.9
votes: 1

Post: 344   Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2016 10:07 pm   Reply with quote

Went outside to discover Grandpa naked and running through the sprinkler........ I would post a pic, but his thing was too huge to cover up.
_________________
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving is not for you

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cwjakesteel
Improv Master
Improv Master



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 29 Jan 2017
Posts: 4695 Topics: 18
Location: Jamaica
jm.gif

Reputation: 1542.1
votes: 18

Post: 345   Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 2:00 pm   Reply with quote

I thought I hit someone down with my car this morning, but when I went to look it was just a sleeping contortionist.
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Dinkleberg....

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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
Moderator
Moderator



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 06 Jun 2017
Posts: 11057 Topics: 49
Location: Montreal!
ca.gif

Reputation: 3345.5
votes: 9

Post: 346   Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 9:02 pm   Reply with quote

I'll give a prize to whoever can guess how many pencils I can shove up my nose.
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"500 points a peach." - Drew Carey

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DriftyAlison0
Nobody Laughs
Nobody Laughs



Gender: Gender:Female Age: 30
Joined: 27 Jan 2012
Last Visit: 01 Nov 2017
Posts: 237 Topics: 8
Location: Cedar Rapids Iowa
Reputation: 948.9
votes: 1

Post: 347   Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2017 11:04 pm   Reply with quote

*replies* I can stick up 4 pencils up my nose per side so 8 in total. So I bet with your big nose that you can fit more then that!*

Today I ate someone else's booger and it tasted better then my own boogers. I wonder what is their secret in making good tasting boogers.

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If at first you don't succeed then skydiving is not for you


Last edited by DriftyAlison0 on Sat Jan 28, 2017 11:05 pm; edited 1 time in total
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