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World's Worst: Psychiatrist

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QZ4
A Few Chuckles
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Post: 26   Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:41 am   Reply with quote

I'm sorry I have such a smug smile on my face, it's just that... I know that no matter whether I fix your problem or not, I'm still getting a great big payslip for each of these sessions.
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bicyclelegs
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Post: 27   Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:42 am   Reply with quote

Screw the Hippocratic Oath, I'm going to use all your dirty little secrets to blackmail you!
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Fry: Isn't there anything else you can tell me?
Vogel: Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time.
Fry: That's impossible because my time is worthless!

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QZ4
A Few Chuckles
A Few Chuckles



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Post: 28   Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:44 am   Reply with quote

Please go on. But don't drag on and on, I hate it when people do that.
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lesgrillon
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Post: 29   Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 9:06 pm   Reply with quote

You have self esteem issues? Well, duh, just look at you!
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DON'T. WANT. YOUR. MILK!

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QZ4
A Few Chuckles
A Few Chuckles



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Post: 30   Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 2:46 am   Reply with quote

What's that? Sorry, I wasn't listening. ... So you say nobody pays attention to you.
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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
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Post: 31   Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 11:54 am   Reply with quote

So, you're schizophrenic. Which of your personalities am I talking to right now?
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RicardoBalboneMontezDe...
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Post: 32   Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 12:38 pm   Reply with quote

Don't mind the blood on the couch. My last patient was a little....uncooperative.
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echoes
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Post: 33   Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 12:55 pm   Reply with quote

Quit your bitching! Jeez!
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bicyclelegs
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Post: 34   Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 8:00 pm   Reply with quote

Sure, I can still be your psychiatrist, even whilst dealing with my Tourette's Syndrome. Shut the f*@# up, asshole!
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Vogel: Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time.
Fry: That's impossible because my time is worthless!

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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
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Post: 35   Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 10:51 pm   Reply with quote

I prescribe Viagra to all my patients.
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bicyclelegs
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Post: 36   Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 10:53 pm   Reply with quote

Right now, the voices in your head are making more sense than you are...
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Fry: Isn't there anything else you can tell me?
Vogel: Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time.
Fry: That's impossible because my time is worthless!

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QZ4
A Few Chuckles
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Post: 37   Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 8:38 am   Reply with quote

Maybe you should do what the voices in your head tell you to do, just for the fun.
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echoes
Cheers 'n' Jeers
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Post: 38   Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 9:26 am   Reply with quote

Just 'cause the voices in your head tells you to, you really don't have to eat your kids one at at time. Start with your wife next time.
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- Don't be disgusting!

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QZ4
A Few Chuckles
A Few Chuckles



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Post: 39   Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 9:30 pm   Reply with quote

Mind if I watch cartoons while you talk?
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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
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Post: 40   Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 9:57 am   Reply with quote

If you don't tell me in detail about your sexual fetishes, I can't diagnose you.
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QZ4
A Few Chuckles
A Few Chuckles



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Post: 41   Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 2:37 am   Reply with quote

It's always about you, isn't it? Well, what about me?
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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
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Post: 42   Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 12:44 pm   Reply with quote

I'm not really writing notes, I'm drawing doodles on my notepad instead. Wanna see my drawing of the Eiffel tower?
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QZ4
A Few Chuckles
A Few Chuckles



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Post: 43   Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 7:33 pm   Reply with quote

We all have voices in our head. But none of them are as messed up as yours.
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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
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Post: 44   Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:01 am   Reply with quote

The best way to cure your fear of crowds is to strip naked and run through crowded places.
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bicyclelegs
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Post: 45   Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:16 pm   Reply with quote

Spend seven hours a day standing on your head. Best cure for mental illness I know of.
_________________
Fry: Isn't there anything else you can tell me?
Vogel: Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time.
Fry: That's impossible because my time is worthless!

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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
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Post: 46   Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:22 pm   Reply with quote

Okay, this is our first group therapy session. We'll play a little game. Each person tells a bit about themself, and then the rest of us try to guess the mental illness that person has.
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QZ4
A Few Chuckles
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Post: 47   Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 5:40 am   Reply with quote

Maybe if you think of people less fortunate than yourself you'd feel better. Now, let's see... people who are less fortunate than you. Hm, this is harder than I'd thought it would be.
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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
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Post: 48   Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 8:48 am   Reply with quote

If you don't want to co-operate, there's always the insane asylum.
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cwjakesteel
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Post: 49   Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 6:51 pm   Reply with quote

I'm prescribing you the suicide pill; they say it's the best cure for the headaches you give me.
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Dinkleberg....

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ChesterfieldSnapdragonMcF
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Post: 50   Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 12:43 pm   Reply with quote

Yes, there's a name for your mental condition. It's called batshit crazy.
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